Depression and my High School Friend


I recently received a call from an old friend. We know each other since high school. Her husband passed several years ago, and the kids have all moved out.

She had suffered from depression when she was young and her symptoms have apparently returned and is not doing well now.

So I went to visit and this is how she explained what her life is like now.

This is what she told me. I cleaned it up, but tried to keep her message exactly how she explained it to me.

I’ve been depressed before, but have not suffered from clinical severe depression so mostly I could only listen and be supportive.

This is what Michelle explained to me about some recent events.

My psychologist’s office called to let me know that my physician is leaving early on the times that I have my next couple of appointments scheduled. They needed to push out my appointment a month.

I usually visit him every other week since I am not 100% safe, we’re working on my meds, and now that I really don’t have a therapist.

I feel like I am being pushed and I am not being taken seriously by the professional team. I am concerned because I have been walking this line between feeling like I want to return to the hospital and trying quite hard to keep it all together. I guess that I just want some support. So last night I relapsed on cutting. I have just been under a great deal of anxiety and of course my emotional illness and that I do not have insurance to speak with my adviser or get back in my anti-anxiety medication or my antidepressants.

I am so mad and disappointed in itself I can barely look at myself in the mirror. How can I allow myself to sink to self-hurt again? I’ve had depression for some time and stress and I truly try not to let that set me back, as tough as it might be. That I feel things so much more deeply than the typical individual. So it seems. Like now, I have feelings for this man but I am not exactly certain how he actually feels about me & it is like I know that he is not prepared for a relationship. However, I feel like I’m but I am not positive about whether that is only a symptom of my depression/anxiety.

Plus my relationship history does not exactly qualify me to be with I understand these things. My therapist asked me if I had been interested in men but it’s like each time I get interested in somebody I end up worse off. Because of this & my psychological health condition takes up so much of my mind. then when another man comes when I open up myself to it… I simply shut down. Then I get depressed & stressed & that I have a tendency to mess up things before it begins. I just don’t understand exactly what to do anymore.

As an advocate of the lack of affordable Mental Health care, it inspires me to find her resources.

If your house would to catch fire, and you had to escape because of the potential danger, when the fire department came, would they ask you if you had insurance? NO!!! They would put out the fire. So why can’t you get healthcare the same way.?

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love of a lifetime

Simply Pao.

A Journal of Trauma, Healing, and Motherhood

FITin56

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