We all know the expression life’s a bitch and than you die. It doesn’t have to be that way, yes of course we are not going to live forever. Life doesn’t have to a bitch though.
In my life I’ve suffered many traumatic events. I suffered the loss of a daughter. I could not get over that. It got to the point that I could find no reason to go on. And then…
I was involved in a motor vehicle accident while on the job. I was driving to a client in a company car as a computer engineer. Out of the blue a 18 wheeler lost control and hit my car. I never saw it coming.
The end result at age 51 I was declared disabled suffering from significant physical injuries and more over Traumatic Brain Injury.
For most of my life I enjoyed a comfortable lifestyle, a successful businessman, a husband, a father, a son, and comfortable I could never imagine that in an instant life would be turned upside down.
I enjoyed the satisfaction of achieving a certain status in my career I was proud of. I enjoyed having all the material things anyone can want. I didn’t want for anything.
Than as I explained the two incidents happening so close to each other caused me to be traumatized. I know longer could work. We get a significant amount of self-esteem from our careers our work.
When that was taken away from me. I could find no purpose in life. From a monetary standpoint, the adjustment from earning a significant salary, to living on a fixed income was a major lifestyle change.
That, of course was not easy however the monetary issue was one thing, but the reality setting in and having to accept I no longer was cognitively able to do what I had done my whole life. That was tough to swallow.
Combined with losing my daughter, my pride and joy, my reason for living was overwhelming. I tried to move on, but every decision I made seemed to be wrong.
I have always suffered from Generalized Anxiety disorder and Panic attacks. They were controlled by medication.
After these incidents I began to rely heavily on these medications. I started to abuse these medications. It was my way of coping. It was not a prudent decision.
Years went by and I was lost. Everything I did was for the wrong reasons. I was now clinically depressed. However I didn’t want to face reality it was to hard.
It was easier to bury my problems. That’s what I thought. Logically I knew it was the wrong avenue to pursue, but my emotions dictated my decisions, they dictated my life.
This went on for over a decade, than one day as my mortality was setting in, somehow I woke up. Somehow, I got the strength to face life head on. I don’t know where I got the strenght from.
I was just glad to get another chance.
While I had significant obstacles to overcome. I am not a religious person, however I believe in God and I am spiritual. Sometimes things happen we can’t explain. I call those things God things.
So I call my renewed strength to rejoin life a God thing.
I have come along way, it has not been easy.
I now have tunnel vision to do the right things and to rebuild my life and character. I have been successful in gaining the support of people I had previously lost.
Than although I am and have been focused on regaining my credibility and re-joining my network of the club and quality of people I had always gravitated to, I met someone that I began a relationship with.
I have written previously about relationships and mental health issues and have said that they are a good idea. You only go around once.
Well anyway, I remember when I was a kid I would ask my parents: “How do you know when you love somebody”. They would say you just know or You will Know.
So in this new relationship, I know I love this person, it hasn’t been long, but I know, I’ve known almost from the time I meet this person. I have never felt this feeling before and I have been married before.
It took all this suffering, years of living life lost, all this heartache, but in the end no matter how far you fall, you can always get up. As a wise man once told me “it’s not the measure of a man when he’s up, it’s the measure of a man what he does when he is down”. So as another wise man said,” Never give up, Don’t ever give up”
It’s never to late to start living life…..Again…….