I woke up, opened my laptop, and it told me today is September 11. This post is not about that, however as a Native New Yorker, it’s a solemn day for me.
Remember to say a pray for the first respondents, for the people who lost loved ones and as an American remember to “Never forget”
Now to the post.
Sometimes we get in relationships for the wrong reasons. There can be many reasons we get into a relationship but there is only one real reason for a relationship and that is because you care and you either love or believe there is potential to love that person.
It should not be for any ulterior motive.
It occurred to me sometimes people confuse Love and Codependency. There are always going to be things you don’t like about your mate or potential mate.
After all you are two different people, however as long as they are small things you should be able to communicate and come to comprises.
That said sometimes people who are codependent will overlook things that are major barriers or go against there core principals not because they love somebody, but because there need to be with another person overrides that other person’s deficiencies.
This is not good. Just as it is not good to tell someone you “Love them”. when you really don’t. You may not do it maliciously, you may confuse Love with your insatiable need to be with someone, anyone.
It’s sure is nice to have a mate, to have someone that cares about you, that loves you, that laughs at your jokes whether there funny or not.
However, if a variable in the relationship is the need to be with someone, and your need for external affirmation, blinds you from the real reason to be in that relationship, that is not always healthy.
In the end you will not be happy, nor will your partner. You both will build up resentments and resentments can kill a relationship. If your sacrificing your own core principals, because the need to be with someone, anyone and it overrides everything else it is not healthy
For me when someone buy’s me flowers for fathers day, Valentine’s day or any special occasion it doesn’t mean nearly as much as when the buy me flowers on June 10th, just an arbitrary day in the year.
It means they were bought out of love, the person thought enough to show a term of endearment for no reason than other than they were thinking about me enough to take time out there day to show an act of affection.
Moreover Codependency is not only an issue for you, but it is also unfair to your partner. You will be misleading your partner so they think you really care, when your really doing it because you don’t want to be alone.
There’s virtually nothing better than love, we all want to be loved. However, while it’s sometimes difficult when your codependent, it’s necessary to check yourself and make sure your doing things for the right reason.
Just my thoughts, would love to hear your thoughts and comments. Make sure to like this post if you do.