This blog was started so I could share information and also to share my experiences. I started this blog in May of this year. I started it because at times life has been rough for me. Especially right before I started blogging in May of this year
This blog is my safe place, I write what I want to, it doesn’t talk back to me and I get to express what’s ever on my mind. As a sufferer of Mental illness disorders life is sometimes hard.
I always look at myself as a person of strength. I am supposed to be the strong one. My stories of the ups and downs of this mental illness life, and coming out better on the other side, are what has made me who I am today.
Unfortunately that is not how it always goes
The mental exhaustion has been significant. I hate saying that because I am stronger than all the symptoms of my mental illness.
I have seen more victories than defeats.
As a native of New York City I have a tough exterior, growing up in the inner city you couldn’t be weak if you wanted to survive.
As a big guy, 6’2″ and 220 pounds. and when I tawk I sound like I could be in the mob. On the outside I am an extrovert and I talk to almost everyone. I have a knack for making people laugh.
Mostly it’s a defense mechanism, it’s not who I am. However, I have walls up, I don’t want anyone to see the real me. They won’t like that guy. So do everything to not let them know that sometimes I go home and just cry. That everyday is a struggle. That life sometimes beats me up, and sometimes I’m tired and so mentally exhausted
At first glance when people meet me, they can’t imagine I suffer from Mental illness. They say, “there’s no way this guy has any problems”. If only they knew!!
That brings me to the beginning of the year leading up to when I started this blog in May.
At the beginning of the year I was very depressed. To be honest for the last two years I have dealt with cycles of deep depression.
I was deep into a depression cycle, and intermittently I would come out of fog. Then May rolled around and I started my blog. One of my goals, was to grow my blog and expanding it to whereby I would make money doing so. I was excited, things were looking good.
Then the cracks started to show. I felt like my posts were not that good that I needed to improve my content. That I had to makeup for lost time. The reality that making money off a blog is not that easy. I was disappointed and somewhat depressed
My mentality is that I always feel like I have to make up for lost time.
I began to work on improving Straight talk with No BS blog. Advice from fellow bloggers turned me on to different avenues to increase my revenue stream I worked on my blog even more and started affiliate programs along with publishing an eBook of my most popular posts to get more exposure. Then reality set in. This is way harder than I thought
As with everything in life, I began to overdue things, and I never stopped to take a breath.
I realized that my social media presence was not great and if I wanted my site to grow I had to improve it. But, I have never blogged before, so how do I do that? I began to get disheartened. I began to get depressed again.
The problem is that there are not enough hours in the day, and something had to give. Things like this blog went to the wayside. Since day one, I have not gone days at a time without a blog post. At times in this new forum I was writing daily.
Then social anxiety started to come back and things spiraled. July was one of the worst months I have had in a while. I was mentally exhausted, and it was showing. I needed to take a break, a mental health break
But, life continues. By August I started posting again. But now I had a different outlook. I was blogging for therapeutic reasons. I was going to blog because maybe something I write will help somebody.
I don’t need the money, and this new outlook took the pressure off me.
While I’ve always thrived on pressure in my career, it would only last for a couple of months and than I would crash.
Well I am now mostly retired and bringing stability to my life is paramount. I want to enjoy whatever time I have left. But Mental illness can be a bitch.
But don’t let it beat you up, get in front of it. Get professional help, join support groups, get with like minded people. So you don’t feel alone.
It does get better, keep your head up, do the footwork and most importantly, Don’t ever get up! Never give up!
And God bless…